It Took Me 10 Years To Say It

For those of you who don't know, April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. As a survivor who has lived with remnants of sexual assault for nearly forty years, this month is near and dear to my heart.

Although we have seen astronomical shifts in how we support survivors and talk about trauma in general, what I know to be true is there is a lot more work to be done to normalize the voices of survivors.

That is to invite the voices of survivors more tenaciously in by virtue of cultural shifts to support the elimination of shame that trauma is too often mired with.

Not only is it critical to believe survivors. It is essential that everyone understands their sacred position in supporting survivors in healing as quickly as possible, that is, of course, when and if they decide to embark on that journey.

Long before I released my book, Me Too: A Therapist's Journey to Heal, Find Liberation, & Joy, I joined the board of the YWCA Kalamazoo. Their mission, to eliminate racism and empower women, resonated with me deeply as a survivor.

You would think in a space designed to support survivors, it would be the norm for the people serving with the organization to talk about being survivors themselves, but actually that couldn't be further from the truth.

It wasn't until ten years into my board service, a year into my board chairship during a retreat, that the words seemed to eject from my mouth. That I too, was a survivor, as if, the words had just been waiting for ten years to be said.

Why did it take me ten years to reveal this? I honestly don't have the answer to this question except that we often compartmentalize our lives, especially in professional settings, and especially, especially when it comes to our survivor identities.

Considering that one in six women are sexual assault survivors, and the nature of the work we did, I imagine there were other survivors who I had the privilege of serving on the board with as well - that simply hadn't acknowledged it out loud.

Sharing our stories is our choice. We get to decide where, when, if, and how we choose to share it. And as long as we have simply been honest with ourselves about what has happened to us, that is truly the only person we need to ever acknowledge it to.

However if we do decide to share our story, we can be rest assured that we will open the door for other survivors to share their story too.

Storytelling in itself is healing. It forces people to face truths about themselves that they have been afraid to look at. And the moment we decide to look at it (including saying it out loud) is the moment that we can begin to take our lives back fully - our power back fully.

If you too are a sexual assault survivor who wants to begin or continue your healing and liberation journey, please schedule a confidential survivor chat with me here.

And whether you're a survivor or not, and you want to support survivors, please give to my Go Fund Me for Bronson Sexual Assault Services which provides essential free services to survivors of all walks of life - from babies to the elderly. Every dollar matters. Please give now here!

With immense love & light to the survivors,

Demarra West

Founder