The Journey to Forgiveness

One thing that I've learned about forgiveness over the years is sometimes it's something you have to do 1,000 times.

Not literally, but depending on the depth of the wound residuals of hurt may manifest for years after the initial pain of the harm - whether you participated in your own suffering or not.

In other words, children and adults alike will often blame themselves in some shape or form for the abuse (aka harm) which can cause shame and therefore make it impossible for forgiveness to take root.

And in cases where you actively participated in any way in the assault, as in the case of staying in a narcissistic abusive relationship with someone "in the name of love", as I did, the need to self forgive, at times, feels endless. The root of this is also shame.

I couldn't begin to quantify the number of times I've thought about my past self and the ways I allowed others to harm me. 

I mourn for her.

It makes me sad to know that there was a time when I didn't love myself enough to know when it was time to get up from the table, as in the words of Nina Simone.

Forgiveness, as I write about explicitly in Me Too: A Therapist's Journey to Heal, Find Liberation, & Joy is a core practice that helps us cultivate love for ourselves which can translate to those around us, including those who have done us harm. 

Forgiveness helps us leave the past in the past.

Forgiveness helps us be gentle with ourselves when anger at ourselves or those who have harmed us (part of the grief cycle) comes to the surface.

Forgiveness gives us the energetic space to make room for something new. 

Forgiveness helps us start over and over and over again until we reach a point where the harm is no longer in the driver's seat of our lives.

This is why I'm over the moon about our 11th episode of our Trauma & Healing podcast episode called Forgiveness as a Radical Act of Freedom where I have the privilege of speaking with Madeline Black, a storyteller for The Forgiveness Project and a psychotherapist. 

If you are struggling with forgiving yourself or others, you will not want to miss this! Tune in here and please share it with anyone you think could benefit.

And if you need a little more help to support you in working through forgiveness, I've got you, just click here to set up a complimentary consultation. 

Let's get this forgiveness,

Demarra West

Founder